Something that makes me happy is...

Knowing that I am loved and have some awesome online friends; Twitter to be precise. I'm lucky enough to have been given a few super cute presents, which due to @artistiquemeg's kindness, have lifted my spirits by a miraculous 100%! Right now I feel like the most spoilt woman on the face of the Earth!

Yes I know it's the mirror image, you'll just have to read backwards!! 

This is my favourite picture even though I'm not wearing any makeup, at all. I look really pretty and happy. 

This is to prove that what is inside this box is edible. In fact they're little milk and white chocolates! Chocolates people!! 

So it's official,  I am the most spoilt woman ever right now and I'm loving every minute of it!! I can't thank Meg enough for these wonderful gifts and her beautiful Hello Kitty card that she so carefully made. I haven't photographed it because, to me, that one is really personal and special. 

I Am Ninja. I Am A Yo-Yo.

How many people can say they are ninja!?
I may not be the legitimate thing, but I can day dream and my day dream includes being a freaking awesome ninja.

You may be wondering why ninja is always in italics. This is simple; one must always respect the ninja. 
Next time you meet a ninja you'll be all set. I know, you'll thank me when that time comes.

Anyway, apart from being the most awesome ninja on the face of the planet, I am almost one of the most skilled emotional yo-yo's. Indeed, it's a hard job to be so skilled in emotional yo-yoism. There are pressures one must encounter that the ordinary emotionally stable person can't even comprehend.
For instance, you have to be able to keep everything under wraps so no one knows what is really going on in your life. This also becomes easier if you happen to be a ninja.


Of course there are other things that separate the emotionally stable and the emotional yo-yo's. Things like:

• being able to orchestrate insanely fast changes of mood in the shortest possible time
• finding ones self crying over something that happened 6 months ago
• laughing hysterically until one cries, for no reason
• grinning at the worst possible times (it's not appropriate when your friend is crying on your shoulder because she/he broke up with her/his boyfriend/girlfriend)
• having a short attention span, especially when people are talking about boring things
• one word: tantrums. 

You see the emotional yo-yo's are the most interesting and fun people you could possibly meet. They're also the most sensitive, intuitive and caring people. Think about the person you turn to for a shoulder to cry on. Do you turn to them because of who they are? Do you turn to them because they're there?

For most people, the person they turn for help, guidance, love and support is usually the emotional yo-yo. That's just because they are all kinds of awesome. 

So my advice to you as a ninja emotional yo-yo is to think about what your emotional yo-yo means to you and give them a hug, maybe even a kiss if you're that way inclined!

Show your appreciation for them since they're the ones most likely to need the reassurance. 

I am ninja! I am a yo-yo!

Cats, Weather and How Gorgeous I Am

Ever feel like you want to say something but aren't sure exactly what it is you want to say?
Well, that's where I'm at right now. I have this burning desire to write this blog post but no idea what I want to say.

I suppose I could talk about the weather, but since we have online weather reports you can actually see what the weather is like all over Australia.

I could ramble on about my life and how angry, sad, depressed and crazy it makes me. But it wouldn't take long to look at my previous posts to see all that.

There's always the option of dissecting a disturbing news articles, whether it's serious or just plain ludicrous. But that is so rarely interesting it even makes me yawn just contemplating it.

I could go into detail about how gorgeous I am and why everyone should love me. But you already know that and I really wouldn't like to preach.

I suppose I could find something to actually be passionate about and write all kinds of inspirational and challenging posts. But I already do that on the strangedomain.wordpress.com Here Comes Trouble blog.

I could potentially take photo's of my cat, Titan, and gush about how adorable he is. But Titan is camera shy and won't let me share how adorable he is. I suppose that's sweet in a way, almost as if he's exclusively adorable for me.

There's always the avenue of writing about food; restaurants or raving about some recipe. But seriously, could you see me writing a post like that?
No, I didn't think so.

Or maybe, I could spend an entire post running through the possibilities of things to write in a post. Actually, that sounds like a rather good idea!

What's In A Name Anyway

At some point I'm sure we've all wished we didn't have the name we have. As a kid I used to be subjected to a whole barrage of ridicule because Renee should apparently be pronounced "Rennie".
Yep, I went to public schools and I'm the first to admit the kids weren't really the sharpest tools in the shed.

Anyway, I was just telling a twitter friend the names of all my Mac computers and iPhone. My new laptop, which should arrive any day now, will be known as Charlotte. Coincidentally this is the name I wish I had.

You know how sometimes a name resonates with you? It might conjure nice images, a lovely memory or even a nice warm feeling in the depths of your psyche.
Personally, all of the above ring true for me with the name Charlotte. It's also a name that epitomises serenity and grace.

I was telling another twitter friend about my deepest desire to be beautifully graceful. Even as a little girl I wanted to be like Audrey Hepburn. I didn't know why her exactly, only I knew she was graceful.
I used to watch a cartoon called Lady Lovelylocks so much I broke the video stores copy! She was graceful, kind and friendly. All her friends and her subjects loved her, and not because they had to. Princess and all, they loved her.
I wanted to be just like that. Thin, beautiful, graceful, kind and caring. Yet I knew two of those would always be beyond my reach.

So I decided, at the wonderful age of 7, that I would endeavour to be graceful, kind and caring. I went about my days learning how to walk without stomping heavily on the ground. I learnt how to breathe silently because I was paranoid that I would breathe too heavily and thus sound like a fat and ugly witch.

Then one day I heard the name Charlotte and I knew it was the name that embodied all those things I wanted to be. It even rolled off my tongue like it was perfect. It was perfect.

If I could have chosen my name I would have picked Charlotte.

Mind you, I'm some what attached to Renee. My grandmother named me and since she died when I was four I have always felt a strange connection to her. It would seem inappropriate to dismiss the gift she bestowed me. Even if I do wish my name was Charlotte instead!

Do you have a name you prefer over your own?

Old School Tv and Tea

There is a delightful rumbling emanating from some deliciously black clouds outside.
The rumbling accurately reflects my current mood due to my last post not saving. Instead the blogger app decided to close and leave me staring in disbelief as an hours worth of heartfelt post simply vanished. Of course, I must admit to smiling evilly when I realised it doesn't just happen to me.

My previous post, being filled with awesome ramblings of my day and my thoughts, won't be rewritten. I find it pretty much impossible to rewrite something after spending so long on it. It never turns out any where near as good, probably because of the fantastic way I think.

Instead, I'm groping around for a new topic while trying to remain as ridiculously funny as possible. Yes, my darlings, I aspire to treat you to an amazing array of hilarity wrapped in a scrumptious sarcastic wrapper.

Of course I have absolutely no faith in my abilities to entertain you in a truly witty way.

So where were we? Oh yes, we were deciding on a theme for today's post.
Have you thought of one yet?
Don't look at me like that, I am not above "taking direction" from a valued reader and friend. By "taking direction" I mean "steal ideas" but this isn't something to dwell on. Semantics really!

*looks incredibly innocent*

I have a secret, a guilty pleasure if you will. When it's raining, just like it is now, I love curling up on the couch watching old school tv shows. Think along the lines of Magnum P.I., Miami Vice, The A Team and others.
Of course the acting is mostly terrible and I won't even dare to mention the fashions...
But there's something incredibly indulgent about succumbing to an afternoon of delightful viewing.
Add to that the sound of heavy rain on the roof and windows to drown out the ads. It's a mix of pure awesome.

So here we are, lazing on the couch, writing a blog post while the tv is currently playing the Rockford Files and thinking how much a cup of tea would be amazing right now. It's moments like this when I realise I need to train my cat, Titan, to make me food and tea.
Mind you, the cheeky shit would probably fill my cup with cat fur and salt instead of sugar.
On second thoughts I might avoid training Titan how to be a servant.
I can feel his death stare on my back even as I type this. I shall reward his diligence with cuddles.

Let the lazing continue!
And no, I'll never get bored of being lazy. I believe the pig from Spliced! said it best: "why do something when you can get someone else to do it?"
Hehe!

Luckily you don't think like that so the world swirls around in a flurry of activity to get all these important things done!
Thanks!

Slipping

My arms are tired, my palms are sweaty and my feet keep slipping off the rungs. I'm losing grip of the ladder.

Now to confuse the hell out of myself, and possibly you too, I am sad because I can feel myself being dragged back into the nasty "depressive" state. Yet, I am proud of myself for feeling it before I hit rock bottom.
I'm scared because I really don't want to slip back but it's happening before my eyes and, perhaps, more so because I'm aware of it.

I really want to ask for help but I have reservations.
In the past when I haven't been totally incoherent and "sick" and have asked for help I was ignored. I wasn't "sick enough" to be seen, heard or helped. Would it be different now?
If nothing has changed all that will happen is my complete inability to hold onto the rungs. I will fall back into the pit of ugly, horrible despair. Loneliness and alienation will then follow.

So what's the plan to hopefully slow the rate at which I fall? Maybe even stop the final horrid descent altogether?
I need to be kind to myself. I can't make others be kind to me, that's just a stupid thought as I don't deserve that. But I can be kind to myself.
I can tell myself it's okay to slip, it's okay to find it hard to cope. I can tell myself it's okay that I'm not perfect. I can remind myself that it will take a long time for me to be able to deal with all of this without help.
I can talk myself down from the ledge and remind that part of me that I can get through it. Even when I feel so powerless and pathetically weak. I can tell myself that others do not understand so their comments are not always valid; most aren't trying to deliberately hurt me.

I will see my shrink of Friday afternoon, I just have to make it until then. I can fall apart when I walk into his room. I can admit to him that my seemingly random thought about being in hospital may have been an even earlier awareness of my possible descent.
To confuse everyone more, I am sad for writing this and yet I feel that I have made a big change in my attitude. I doubt many will see it, but I do and that's all the matters.

Just remember, it's about how you treat yourself not how others treat you.

Bah Luvbug or Happy Valentine's

Usually I would hide under the covers and pretend today does not exist. I am usually more of a bah luvbug (thanks to @emlykd for that word!) kind of person. I know, you would never have guessed!

However, today the 14th February 2010 I am more of a Happy Valentine's Day kind of person. I have a Valentine this year. Indeed, something as small as having someone say to me "happy valentine's day" is able to make the corners of my mouth to twitch and eventually break into a grin to rival that of the Cheshire cat.

As humans we just want to be loved, whether we are loved by family, friends or a significant other. We crave that love, friendship and support that comes with someone being kind to us. I am no different, in some ways I'm more in tuned with that emotional side (even if it's not by choice!).

Having professed my love for being loved I'd like to make it clear I'm not so interested in the chocolate, flowers and presents that are apparently "required" on this day.
Personally, it is the thought that counts. It is the simplicity of someone saying to me "happy valentine's day" or wishing me well for this day.

So now I would like to share the love and wish everyone a lovely valentine's day! I hope everyone feels a little bit of happiness today, even if (like me) they are single.