When Is It Too Much?

A totally innocent tweet. A complete breakdown in response. Imagine, if you will, that you're sitting on your sofa watching tv. You're not feeling too bad so you decide to be a little social. Snap decision, Twitter it is.
You scroll through your timeline, rejoicing with friends, consolling others as they endure a hard moment. Then you come across a series of totally innocent, completely beautiful tweets. They're not to you, in part you feel guilty for being somewhat intrusive. Suddenly a sharp pain stabs you in the chest. No, it's not a heart attack.

You see, these innocent tweets opened my eyes to another facet of my life and childhood that I am now wishing I could forget.

The tweet was of a proud mum expressing her happiness for her daughters writing ability. It was truly beautiful to see a mum so proud of her child.

The problem is that this innocent and beautiful tweet made me realise just how lacking my parents were. They were so focused on not pushing me that they actually neglected to be happy for me during the good things. I guess what makes me upset the most is the lack of support with my writing, my art and my talents. You see I have no idea what my talents actually are, other than writing. I can't help but wonder if my parents had have supported my writing if I would actually be a much better, more succint and even an accomplished writer.

Even writing this post is causing me to cry while I type. You see, I don't think people truly realise what it is like to be so very alone. I say that a lot but if one stops and thinks about it one can see that I've never actually had a loving support system. I have been alone for a long, long time.

Having realised this latest epiphany I am potentially even more bereft as I look at the date. It's the 31st May. I was meant to start uni today. I was meant to begin my distance education in a literature major. Basically it would have served to teach me better writing skills. Now, my confidence is undermined even more. And yes, I do realise it's my fault.

There you have it. Another facet of what I consider a rather pathetic existence.