Am I Crazy? - For Family and Friends

This is a quick post for the family and friends of someone who might (or suspected to) be suffering from a mental illness.

There are some things you can do to help the person you care about!

It's not all about the person suffering the mental illness, or the suspected sufferer. The help, love and support from those closest to us can help so much.

If you think your family member or friend is suffering from a mental illness:

• In absolutely no uncertain terms should you suggest to them that they have a problem!!! All that does is reinforce the person's belief that they are crazy, strange, weird, unnatural, broken etc.v

• Instead be creative, not patronising, and ask them how they feel, treat that person like you would any other day. They haven't grown a second head just because you might see something different about them.

• If the person is comfortable enough with you they will tell you honestly (or as honest as we feel we can be) how things are going.

• Listen to them. I don't mean the lame "half listening but too busy reading blogs or twittering" kind of listen. I mean the hard one, that so many people are unable to do. Listen to what the person is saying. Listen to their words. Take note of their body language (are they tapping fingers, breathing shallowly, withdrawn looking, hunched over etc) and pay attention to how they are dressed (is it normal for them to dress this way? Does it appear they haven't showered for longer than usual?). You don't need to get too obssessed with these things, just keep a bit of a mental note. A person who is crying out for help without actually saying the words, will show you in their actions, appearance and the words they choose to use.

• That does not mean it is your responsibility to make sure they're always breathing, happy, living etc. The only person who is responsible for that is the person with the illness or suspected illness. You can only be there to hold their hand through the darkest of times.

If the person confides in you:

• Please don't act shocked!! It's patronising, rude and will make the person recoil from you and even resent you.
  If you (and/or they) are comfortable with hugs, damn well hug them and tell them you will be there for them. Note: Don't say that last part if you have no intention of being there for them. You will only end up causing more stress and heartache.
  

• It is always a good idea to help the person find out more information, offer (if you can) to go with them to mental health facilities, GP or any other first step they decide to take. Having said that it doesn't mean you have to go into the GP appointment or anything, but having someone who will go with them and who will be there when they come out of the appointment is a huge confidence booster (even if it doesn't appear to be.)

• Try to establish some time each week (or day depending how much you can cope with) to "catch up". Just talking about random topics can be more help than you realise! It's a great way for the person with the illness/suspected illness to have a chance to feel "normal" for a little while. It also gives you the chance to reaffirm that the person you care about is still there!!

General things you can do:

• Make sure you look after yourself first! You're not going to be much help to your loved one or friend if you are run down or feeling the effects of being around them. I'm not going to say it's easy to be around someone with a mental illness/suspected illness. In fact I'm going to be honest, it's frustrating, infuriating, heartbreaking, stressful and tough. And the hardest part? Trying not to let the person you care about actually see or "feel" these emotions coming out of you.

• It's horrible because the person will most likely already feel like a burden, a lump of nothing or just useless (maybe all of them). If they even feel the slightest bit of "hard work" coming from you they can actually feel worse. So it is important to set aside plenty of time for yourself to either talk to others, join a support group or speak with a social worker yourself to debrief, vent and let go of some of the frustration.

• Make it known that there will be specific days or times when you are unavailable (it's best to set this up before and kind of dependency sets in) as you need to attend to your appointments, meet up with family/friends yourself or whatever it is you might need to do. Try to be as honest as possible without actually saying or hinting "I'm drained and need some time away from you". That can actually erase all the good work and support you've already given! (Funny that!)

• Listen!!!! LISTEN!!! LISTEN!!!! This is so important! It also teaches the other person to listen to you as well. Really, it's a win-win kind of thing.

• Make sure you don't give up your life to look after the person with the illness/suspected illness. It's not your job to wait on them hand and foot, to be there at their every beck and call. You are one person in a (hopefully) large group of people who will help and support this person. The person might be ill, but it doesn't mean they should get preferential treatment or be doted upon. Like spoiling children, it can lead to more hassles than it's worth!

There are heaps of sites and forums and local community groups for family and friends of people with a mental illness. The best thing you can do is learn about the illness, find support for yourself and/or family and be as supportive as possible for the person with the illness.

Cheers,

Raznay

Am I Crazy?

As stated in my comment responding to Sonia (please go to http://my.opera.com/Raznay/blog/2009/07/29/am-i-crazy for Sonia's comments) I'm going to write a little bit about what to ask yourself if you think you might have a mental illness.

Sonia brought up a really good point about being misdiagnosed as a response to my "DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE" warning in my last post. For me, this brought up a rather interesting combination of responses, mostly dealing with fear surrounding confusion and the age old question "Well what do I do then?"

I'm not a doctor nor have I been medically trained in any way. I am not a psychologist nor do I have any psychology certificates, degrees or training. I am only, and therefore can only offer, a guide to some possible ways of dealing, learning and discussing mental illness.

I will reiterate that I do have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and as a result also suffer from depression and anxiety. I write from my own experiences and those shared with me by others.

I can not stress enough how bad it is to self diagnose. If you suspect that "something is wrong" go to mental health websites (I will list some in this blog) and read about what you feel. You can also google the words you feel (ie. sad, emtpy, broken, hurt, depressed etc) and learn about mental illness that way. Be careful with the google search as you will inevtiably come across a lot of junk.

Some mental health websites will offer a questionaire of sorts for you to answer that can be used as a guide (only a guide!) to help you begin to understand that you are not crazy, weird, a freak, strange or broken.

Let's just step back a couple of steps now. I realise that a lot of people who read this who might not be feeling "quite right" are the least likely to jump straight into mental health websites. A lot of us start off in denial, secretly knowing that something is wrong but not sure where to start and even thinking we're making it up. We are literally our own worst enemy.

To help a little bit I'm going to ask some questions, if you find you can relate to them on quite a deep level I actually BEG you check out a mental health website (or 100) and find out more.

These questions are based on my own thoughts and feelings as I've gone through the emotional rollercoaster of being mentally ill!

Questions:

• Do you feel sad and/or upset almost all the time?

• Do you find it hard to sleep or have "broken" sleeps?

• Is there a particular negative "voice" (or constant thoughts if you're not comfortable with the voice term) that undermines everything you do?

• Is food an issue? (Over eating, not eating, binge eating, etc)

• Is your mood erratic, swinging from one extreme to the other?

• Do you find that you are "missing time"? (Either you simply don't remember periods of hours, days, weeks etc or maybe it's all so repetitive it's hard to separate the days)

• Do you have extreme trouble maintaining friendships because you feel unworthy?

• Do you feel unworthy of being happy?

• Do you deserve the way you feel? (if feelings are negative)

I'll cut the questions short there because not only am I starting to get upset (not good for the writer!!!!) but I think there's enough there to ascertain whether or not further investigation is for you.

Without sounding like those cheesy teen magazines if you found you answered "yes" or felt quite "strange" as if a bell was ringing somewhere inside you, then I again beg you to look at some mental health websites.

Here is a list of some of the ones I prefer for their easy explanations, easy navigation and practical approaches.

RMIT University in Melbourne, Australia

http://tinyurl.com/ngutya

Brilliant list of further information sites.

Positive Directions - Queensland and Northern Territory based site

http://www.positivedirections.org.au/useful+mental+health+websites.aspx

Another brilliant source for more information.

MentalHealth.com - American based

http://www.mentalhealth.com/whnjs.htm

A good overview of disorder, further reading, explanations and more.

SMHAI Website

http://suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org/

This site is a bit more complicated but does include some test that you can do to help understand where you are at regarding mental illness.

I apologise for more of the Australian sites, I am a little biased there being an Aussie myself. Alternatively you can google "Mental Health *insert your area here*" for even more information that is local for you.

Even though these sites are Australian, the disorders and feelings don't change. Unfortunately those are universal and it doesn't matter where you read about it. What differs can be the treatment approaches, so if you're not from Australia perhaps it's not the best idea to read the treatment sections.

For fear of information overload I'll stop this post here and begin the next one.

What to do if you feel you do have a mental illness after reading the websites.

Cheers,

Raznay

Let's Get It Started

Quick readers note While I can be serious and the content of my blogs are serious, I still have a sense of humour. Part of dealing with the stigma's and the struggles of BPD, for me, is to be able to laugh at myself and at life. I will keep most things as light hearted as possible because I do not intend to preach to anyone. The whole idea behind the blog is to try and explain, teach and give an insight of what it's like living with a mental illness. Cheers! Raz

So I've done some research (even if it is ony preliminary and basic I'm sure those of you who would like to do further reading will be able to find more links!) about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I'm a little biased and for that I apologise! I am going to start with my disorder because, well let's face it, I know a little bit about how it feels!!

I spent some time yesterday scrolling through google search results trying to find articles, webpages and just generally anything that is either remotely interesting, factual and true about BPD.

My top pick for BPD is:

http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-pe05.html

I found the website to be particularly useful as a starting point to understanding BPD. At the end of the page there are additional links for further reading as well as a really good explanation of what BPD is and the symptoms.

DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE. IF YOU SUSPECT YOU HAVE ANY OF THESE SYMPTOMS GO AND SEE YOUR GP, PSYCHIATRIST OR PSYCHOLOGIST.

A lot of people will feel that they can relate to the symptoms of many disorders. That does not mean that everyone has a mental illness or is "screwed up". If you are concerned about possibly having any kind of disorder talk to your GP first before making any serious or rash decisions.

This blog is not about self diagnosis. That's dangerous and can lead to far more problems than actually living with a mental illness.

Raznay's personal entry

Each day is a struggle for me. Some days I will wake up and wish I were not awake, that somehow I had miraculously drifted off into the underworld while I slept. Those days are generally the worst and are the days I am more likely to "lose touch of reality".

People around me find me to be "moody" and "grumpy", often joking that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. In some ways they are right!! I am grumpy and moody that I woke up at all!!

However, there are days when things are "normal" (well, as far as they can be for someone like me) and I look forward to what I'm going to do that day! Today is one such day!

I have so many thoughts racing around in my head of what I want to achieve with writing my blog. I just hope that I will be able to keep myself motivated so I can attempt to raise some awareness about mental illness!

Today will be filled with challenges for me! Simple things like making sure I eat or having a shower and getting dressed, can be some of the hardest things to do. Most people don't think about it, they just do it!! It is a part of their routine so they just get on with it. Sometimes for people like me, it's not part of a routine but can feel like a pointless activity.

What is the point doing those things? No one cares about me so why should I care about myself?

A lot of the time it's thoughts like that which will stop me from doing a lot of things. Luckily, today is not one of those days! Although I do have to remind myself to go and make some breakfast!!

I hope this random collection of facts and experience gives you some insight!

Cheers!

Raznay ^_^

All comments are appreciated. Please do not use offensive language as this is a public blog. I would really love to hear your stories and experiences if you would like to share them. R

Welcome to my blog!

Let me start out by saying that I do live with a mental illness. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Complex PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome).

This does not mean that I can not function in the real world. This diagnosis does not mean that I am crazy or need to be treated differently to other people.

What this means is that I see the world in a strange way. I see it through a broken window.. The cracks distort the reality somewhat.

The purpose of this blog isto make people aware of mental illness. I will endeavour to post links about all kinds of disorders and other people's accounts of living with them.

Personally I can talk about depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. However, I have spent time in hospital during "critical" times in my life and I have been around a lot of people with other disorders.

Some disorders are scary, especially for the person who "suffers" from it. Other disorders just make it hard for people to connect with others.

Whatever way a disorder might affect someone, it does not mean that they are crazy, will try to kill you (where did that particular idiocy start??) or that you will even know they are "ill". I wonder just how many of your friends, colleagues and aquaintances have known someone or might even "suffer" from a mental illness themselves?

I plan on challenging people's beliefs and the stigma that is associated with mental illness. I am personally very tired of listening to people complain about "not knowing" that someone has a mental illness. Does it make a difference? In some cases, fine, it does. However in many more cases it does not matter one bit. It is like determining friends on hair colour, job, wages or even weight. Not only is this practice rude but it is superficial. Are there really people out there who judge their friends or aquaintances on these things?

If you're interested in keeping up to date with what I'm researching or standing on my soap box about, please subscribe. I would also love to hear stories and experiences other people have had if anyone would like to share them.

Thanks for reading The Beginning!

Cheers,

Raznay