The Outing

It does not matter what I do before hand to calm my nerves the actual act of going out is horrendous. Then when I am at the shops (or wherever) the panic is so potent it's like I've been kicked in the stomach.

If that wasn't bad enough, people stare at me.
Seriously, they stare. Not everyone granted (thank fuck for that), but enough to make me really uncomfortable. Now I have no idea why they are staring at me, but I assume it's not because they think I'm"hot".
Honestly, it doesn't even matter what they think. I just wish they'd stop staring. It's completely unnerving and totally unacceptable. I don't go around staring at people. Well, not all the time. And when I do I am careful not to be too obvious about it since I know how it feels. Also if I am caught staring I at least have the decency to stop!

Today was probably worse than most since I found out a "friend" deleted me from facebook. Oh, this happens to be the same person whom I tried to contact when I was really upset. And, the same one that apparently doesn't think I am good enough to even bother responding to. The funny thing is that I never, never, did or said anything even remotely confronting to him. So, umm, what the hell?
Right, I know it's probably not about me and that it's about him, maybe someone said something to him or maybe he just didn't like something I said on facebook, but this whole thing still upsets me. I don't like it when people delete me. I don't have a thick skin like some and that's not a bad thing.
It's also really rude since this person complained bitterly to me about people randomly taking him off their friends lists. Yet, he can do the same to someone else and that's okay? Talk about double standards.

So I found out the whole facebook bullshit before I went out. Way to make yourself feel good Renee. I know right, I'm definitely the sharpest knife in the drawer.
It was awful feeling like that. The whole trying to pretend I'm fine since I was with my mum while hoping like hell I don't see anyone I know since I've actually gained weight from that crazy migraine medication I was taking ages ago. Then there's the people staring at me, the kids screaming in front of me and trying their best to trip me up when they run like crazy little fuckers in front of me. You know what pisses me off about that? If I accidentally hit the little fucker I would be the biggest bitch in the world. I mean if I was window shopping and not completely watching where I was walking and one of the little fuckers ran in front of me and I knocked into it, I would be the one copping abuse. So don't fucking tell me I have to like the little fuckers running around in front of me. *Insert evil stare here*

Then there was the shop assistant from hell.

I walked into City Chic since that's about the only place I can shop in Australia and find things in my size that don't look like an old lady's antique floral covered chair upholstery. The shop assistant starts off by over zealously yelling "Hi ladies! How are you today?" I'm pretty sure the people walking past outside the shop looked to see if she were talking to them.
My mum replied since I was kind of running around grabbing a huge pile of stuff to try on. Okay, so it was three items and I wasn't really running, more like dawdling. Anyway, the shop assistant huffs loudly because we didn't yell back(?) and stomps, yes stomps, into the back room. I resist muttering "niceties" under my breath.
She returns from the depths of hell, I mean the back room and loudly yells at us "Is there anything specifically you're looking for?", to which mum replies "no thanks, we're just looking at the moment." Even I thought what mum said was pretty decent. Apparently not so with Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants. She huffs and stomps to the front counter.
Another customer came in and Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants greets them. This time she's not yelling at all but being really lovely and nice. What. The. Fuck.
I tell myself to breathe. This shop assistant is obviously kind of nuts if she thinks we're deaf, dumb and/or blind. I couldn't help it, I shot a glance her way. She was smiling at the new customer as if she were the nicest person on the face of the planet. I really didn't like Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants.
Roughly 5 minutes later I'm scrutinising the clothes on the other side of the shop trying to decide if I really like things. I'm not just fussy in second life! Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants yells out "Do you want me to put anything in the change rooms for you?", obviously she saw the nice little pile in my arms. I reply "no thanks, I'm still looking" and smile my best smile at her. If you've ever seen this smile it's one of a kind awesome. Again she huffs and stomps off. Seriously, wtf?
Anyway, I try on the clothes and decide on two items so we proceed to the front counter to pay. Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants is waiting for us. I groan, inwardly.
She takes the clothes and begins to scan the tags. All is going well. Then she reads out the price and something wasn't right, it wasn't expensive enough. Mum points this out and Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants starts huffing and rescanning the two items, finally satisfied she says "It must be on sale" in the most acidic tone I've ever heard. And let me tell you, after working for Telstra I've heard some really nasty tones.
Mum hands over my credit card (I buy too much stuff online if I have it in my possession) and we do all that fun stuff of signing etc.
Ms. Huffy Stompy Pants folds the items and bags them, hands me the bag and scowls at me while I'm politely saying "thank you".
We leave the shop.

Now what the hell was this woman's problem? I've never seen her before in my life nor had my mum or I said anything rudely or in a tone that was rude. She was perfectly fine to the other customers in the store and yet she treated us as if we were deaf and dumb.
If we had have been rude then I could totally understand where she was coming from. If we had have made a mess, spoke down to her, ignored her or anything like that I also would have understood her coolness towards us. Yet we didn't do anything other than enter "her" store to have a look.

Have you ever had this happen to you?