A Bit of a Whine

By the title alone if you read this and then comment about it being a rant or a whinge then dude, it's your own fault.

I hate weekends, mostly because it means I don't have the house to myself and can pretend I'm totally okay and in control and able to look after myself.

Yes, okay, so that's a bit of a fantasy as I don't eat until parental unit comes home with food, I inevitably fall asleep watching the idiot box because I just can't keep my eyes open any longer... and well... I kind of have to remind myself to shower and dress.

Anyway, I have something akin to freedom for the majority of the day and I love it. Sometimes it's boring and sometimes I want the company and blah blah blah, but for the most part I guess I'm so used to being on my own that I actually get annoyed when I'm not left alone. Yep, I am screwed up!

So, this weekend has been kind of good but mostly bad. Both parental unit and I are sick. Some viral thing I'm guessing. I can honestly say I have never felt pain like it and hope I don't feel it again. My tummy and back and neck and arms and EVERYTHING hurt. It was like having cramps all over my body that NEVER let up. It was horrible. I got the worst part of it last night and even wrote on twitter that I was dying. It felt like dying. Or at least how I imagine dying would feel like when it's painful.

I don't mind getting sick, you know the odd cold here and there and (of course) the occasional migraine. But seriously, to have endure MORE PAIN than I already create for myself is cruel. See, this is another perfect example of why I don't believe in God. If there is meant to be this holy power and this being who loves us so much, why let us suffer? Okay, I understand it's for learning purposes, but what am I learning about suffering with a mental illness and then to have some kind of sick bug thing to make my mental pain physical (which, thanks for asking, I am quite good at doing myself since there is so much pain for me it does actually manifest into physical pain. Great hey!? -_-).

Anyway, I'm not going to rant about the cruelty of something which I don't believe in, sorry to anyone that does, I respect that you do and hope you will respect my decision and choice not to believe in something/someone I see as cruel.

Anyway.. again.. I kept thinking over and over last night that "you people made me stay alive FOR THIS?" I actually felt (okay still feel) betrayed that I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted and now have to feel the most extreme and intense physical pain. Hell, what is the damn point? It's cruel. I am actually thinking it's bordering on the insane punishment, sadistic-type behaviour. *insert dramatic pout here*

Well... that's my ranty ramble for today. I am sulking, if you couldn't tell, and again if you have a problem with this, dude you shouldn't have kept reading after the title!!! The full responsibility falls on you for having continued reading. Hmph.

Yep, sulking isn't my cutest feature, but I feel some of my sulking is justified... maybe... just a little bit... please?