The message came through at 7pm. He seems to feel compelled to speak to me. I really wish he wouldn't. He makes me feel guilty. He makes me feel like I need to justify myself and my actions, when they have nothing to do with him. I really wish he would leave me alone, at least for more than a few days.
I tried to escape the darkness, I ran away from it. However, I can't run fast enough to get away from it. No, it's still with me, being insidious and snaking it's way through every pore and cell of my body. It's tearing me apart from the inside.
The feelings are the worst part. The darkness on its own is bearable. Feelings of loss, hopelessness, uselessness, sadness and angryness are not bearable. They fight for pole position, which one will take over?
Each day passes and I feel even more fragile. My life has become one big fractured and tortured existence. What is the point of fighting when no one will help?
The person who said he wanted to help, inevitably wanted me to listen to him and listen to his problems. He wanted me to be his rock, his safety net, while he told me he wanted me to talk with him.
I hope I am not the only one to see how ridiculous this is?
I am alone in this fight. At the end of the day there is no one else.
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