Really, Who Has An Hiatus These Days?

When you're as special as I am an hiatus is essential.

Every so often I need to take a break. I've been through all this before, so I won't bore you with all the details.

My hiatus was very eventful, well, depending on your definition of "eventful". Mostly I spent my time just trying to breathe and trying to tread the black watery depths of depression.

I watched tv in a desperate attempt to fool my brain into believing everything is okay. Unfortunately my attempt didn't work as well as planned since everything I watched made me angry and resentful. It wasn't fair to me that everyone would always have a happy ending! And don't even get me started on the commercials.

At one point, lasting about two weeks, I was devastatingly low. All I could think about, night and day, were the ways in which I wanted to die. I was so obssessed with the idea of my death I started to make plans. One day I'd had enough and I tried numerous ways to end it all. Each attempt failed, obviously since I'm writing this post now.
The failures made everything worse.
I kept spiralling out of control.

The depression was kicked off by the event, mentioned in my previous post, followed closely by some incredibly harsh and unproductive text messages sent to me. Some people really know how to kick you when you're down.
I did try and reach out to one person while I was spiralling down, however that person declined to respond to my text or email. Actually, I think I may have sent two emails a week or so apart. Anyway, that person obviously thought I wasn't worth it and at the time I happened to agree with them.

Now, I'm okay. I'm not great, I'm not "over" it all and I'm sure not happy. But at least I'm not suicidal at the moment. In my world, this is something to celebrate.

Some people just need to take a break, close off and live in their own little worlds until things blow over. Many of you won't, and can't, understand this need to be alone. That's fine by me as long as you don't try to tell me what I should and should not do during that time.